Chartreuse Ova

scrambled lamentations, psalms, parables and ramblings of a Christian mommy

Monday, February 19, 2007

Confessions Part 2

If there is a part one, you know there must be a part two or maybe more.

I confess that the foundation of my faith is very weak. I am immature. I am often lazy in regard to my faith.

I encountered God as a child. I picked up what some would call bits and pieces of scriptural truth through the years. I didn't question much that was presented to me. More recently, I remember discussing several books (I still haven't read) with UDH about scientific evidence that points to the validity of several basic Christian beliefs. He really gets into that sort of thing. Me, I just believe it and don't need the proof. Or so I thought.

But there were the gray areas. The issues where I had accepted that the Bible or Jesus "clearly states" (or so I was told) such and such. Some of those things I accepted without thought because they are probably right, some I felt uncomfortable about but didn't know quite why, and some I didn't know how to handle because the information conflicted with my view of my Savior and God. The last category, I just ignored as not particularly important for my faith. It's about Jesus and God's love for I really need to worry about the details? Well, that question has been answered. Obviously, sometimes I do.

I suppose there are many people like me in the church today, sitting in the pews each Sunday. We pray together. We worship together. We believe our basic beliefs together, without really knowing why. We are seldom challenged or step beyond our comfort level. But just because I know I am not alone does not make it acceptable. We are called to something more than complacent Christianity. And the last few years God has been calling me to build a stronger faith, closer relationship, a greater love for others. And of course that other call, but I can't even go there in my mind today. I have struggled. There was little except a few superficial bricks upon which to build.

And so with a weak foundation, it seems that some divine demolition is needed before the building. Scary!

What started as a Bible study, prayer and research into one issue that led to a stronger long held belief has led me to question almost everything else I thought I believed. I thought I knew what I believed about so many things. Now I wonder is the Bible inerrant? Is it truth, corrupted by human failing? Is it an epic story repeated through the ages? But the answer to those questions is probably less significant than why do I believe that? Because answers like "because that's what I learned in Sunday School" or "Pastor Bill preached it from this view" just isn't an appropriate response.

And now I sit here surrounded by a pile of chipped and crumbling bricks.


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