Confessions Part 1

I confess I have been unfaithful to Jesus, to my local church community, the universal Church, and to myself.

I haven't been inside a church since the first Saturday of February for morning prayer. The time before that was an evening prayer meeting and before that a Women's group meeting.

Part of this can be explained away by illness (Little Sprout's and mine). Don't worry it was just a nasty cold. But there is more to it than physical illness. I missed church, but I didn't miss being there. But still I did miss being in a church community. I'm not sure if that makes sense.

I haven't blogged more than a Friday Five for quite awhile, either. Again, it can be explained away by the illness and other priorities. But there is more. There have been lots of thoughts but I couldn't pull them together into a coherent set of words.

Lent is coming. Now, you'd think that Lent wouldn't be a big deal, really. The church I attend, when I attend, doesn't mention the word. They don't talk about Advent either.

During Advent, I experienced a crisis of sorts. I set up the advent candles and made an advent prayer chain with Little Sprout. UDH (Usually Darling Hubby) said "Advent is not Biblical." [He wasn't anti-advent, but trying to explain why it wasn't necessary for others of the local church to join me in a tradition.] My response was, "Neither is having a kid's Christmas program, a July 4th party, or other traditions...some of which I'd like to abolish." So Advent was personal and Christmas was communal. The dichotomy felt wrong.

Lent approaches.

On Ash Wednesday, I will begin the Lenten season with others. On Wednesday, February 21st, UDH will attend a midweek service with others at the local church. But daily in the coming days and weeks, we will pray together for clarity and faith. And perhaps this Sunday we will all be well and join our local church for prayer, worship, song, and study. But I realize that some days during Lent, you will find me somewhere else.

A different solution; a different dichotomy. Still feels wrong.